Your communication with your therapist, et al service people tells a lot more than you think. It speaks volumes about your education of the service being provided, how you really feel about us personally, our profession, the purpose of massage therapy and its connection to your own health. Your gratuity, even in a bad economy, show us whether you value what's involved in treating you and the value of the work done. Sometimes we get the client who knows first hand that we are not paid what we are worth and will base our tip amounts on the value they think we should receive, not just based on his/her personal economics. Other times, we'll get the client who thinks $5 is enough gratuity on a 90-minute session, again, not based on his/her personal economics. A different message sent in each scenario. How do you communicate with your therapists/service providers?
Believe it or not, clients can often times be very abusive, condescending and outright rude in more ways than indicated below. As service professionals, it is the therapist's responsibility not to retort in kind, but we do reserve the right to do whatever necessary to maintain serenity and respect for our profession, our person and the establishment we work in. This might take several forms, but declining service to some might be necessary. Before we get there, however, one may wonder, what are some things that are abusive and will undermine your session, your therapists, and the profession? The following list should be helpful:
1. Saying "OW" (This usually is an angry sound and implies that we hurt you on purpose, which we have no reason to...)
2. Breathing angrily. We can tell the emotion behind the breath, but don't know why. Don't expect us to guess!
3. Scowling (Usually another angry reflection and we don't know why or what it means.). This is conveyed on your face and in your energy/disposition.
4. "Jerking" your body away from the therapist (just say you don't like something). If you are prone to "twitches" tell us this is involuntary.
5. Any kind of condescending tone demeans the therapist, your session and the establishment. You came to relax or be rejuvenated/healed. Don't forget your purpose.
6. "Chatty Kathy" is very distracting from the purpose at hand so leave her in the car. Therapists work better when not distracted by your stories. It is your right to respectfully request that your therapist only speak when necessary and my right to ignore comments as I commit to the work you have contracted or at least respond that I'd like to focus on addressing your therapeutic needs as precious time is passing.
7. Grabbing your therapist's arm, hand, legs or any other body part is harassment. Don't forget where you are and your purpose for coming for treatment.
8. Grabbing your own body part or moving in a sexual way is harassment. Parasympathetic Stimulation is normal and so is an "escaped moan or groan", but you aren't acting involuntarily if you start grinding your hips into the table, etc., or use our towels/sheets for sexual release after we have left the room. You should be using the 5 minutes or so left of your session to get dressed and exit. We have approximately the same amount of time to prepare for the next client and get to the bathroom before starting the process again.
9. Yelling, "you're hurting me!" (Would you like less pressure? We don't really know what you are feeling or whether you can handle it do we?)
10. Making racist or demeaning (blonde, etc.) statements are never honorable....even if I laugh with you it might be because I'm nervous or otherwise uncomfortable and don't know how else to respond in the moment.
11. Doing what you can to show me your nakedness is as much harassment as asking for sexual favors.
12. Asking "do you think I'm fat"? (That's not my purpose for being here and no answer I give is the right one anyway.) I could lose my job for any comments, complimentary or not.
13. Come on, you must get turned on by all these sexy men/women you massage! (Form of sexual harassment-not why "we" are here.!)
14. Not being considerate and gratuitous (You should tip your therapist more than you tip your waiter/bartender. They bring you food/drinks and leave then come back to take your plate. We must stay with you the whole time and physically and mentally make you, your body and health, the priority for at least one hour straight!)
15. Not paying your tab (or only paying a portion of your tab is horrible). Only a thief takes without paying for what he gets. You don't get to decide how much the service "should have been worth" or whether to pay next visit or now. The independent therapist or the business you patronize has a set price, which you agreed to when you contracted for service.
16. Telling the therapist you feel great and enjoyed your massage, only to leave, then call and complain. Most people do this to try to get a free massage but don't realize the therapist could get suspended or fired. This hurts more than you know. Be honest and considerate of this family.
17. Insisting that the therapist only work on one section of you the whole time. You might have a headache, but your feet are the source or vice versa, e.g. Trust your therapeutic therapist to know and do what's necessary to address the cause, not just the symptom.
18. We generally know when you "should be" in pain, so if every time we lay hand on you, you holler that it hurts, we won't be able to help you and so you impede your healing. A little pain might be necessary for therapy in that spot, but should not be unbearable. Can you bear up for a minute?
19. Manners are always important, but especially when dealing with service people.
20. Tell me what you like and don't like, but don't tell me how to do my job. I don't tell you how to be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, chemist, banker, etc. I have no training in that field, much like I trust you don't have any training in mine.
May all my fellow therapists/practitioners feel represented in this discussion and let me know whether I have left out anything. Hopefully, armed with this information, the general public will be in a position to choose the best therapist and get the best out of the sessions. Just remember that honor and respect should be a two-way street and gratitude extends the circle of giving. Communication, then, is the lifeblood of every relationship and the possible cure to all misunderstandings. Return positive energy for energy received. Namaste!
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